17 January 2011

thinking pains

Honestly, I overthink things too often. I can end up getting lost in what usually becomes a downward spiral. These days I'm trying not to think too much and I'm learning to stop and get away when I feel myself losing it. It was a challenge one night last week. But somewhere in there, in the awareness of not being trusting of God and feeling disappointed with Him, I had an interesting thought: But if God is in essence good, loving and compassionate as the Bible says--among so much more--and that is simply who He is, then maybe it's not God who's let me down but my image of God, my limited understanding that is far from perfect.

Maybe I'm disappointed with God because He's not matching up to what I imagined. I mean, I even feel guilt and fear at times for not feeling the way I think I should as a follower of Christ. It's as if I had all my basic ideas of God and His character and the way life with Him is and now it's not adding up to what I've been experiencing. Maybe through these series of "disappointments" and human misunderstandings my ideas have been warped. Or maybe I'm actually a bit of a spoilt brat and getting all hung up coz things aren't going my way. Or maybe it's simply a part of growing up--from innocent childlike thinking to adult reasoning where life is sketched in shades of grey.

Surely God, being God, means that our tiny minds are incapable of the full comprehension of who He is. We have a very limited understanding. Our view of Him is also tainted by our human experiences and often warped by our misconceptions. Then how do we determine who God really is? Is it possible to separate my negative human experiences from my conclusions about God?


Tab said...

That hurts my head too.

kelgell said...

LOL. So people keep saying. Maybe I'd have more energy if I didn't think quite so much. ;)