03 January 2015

new year, continued challenge

God spent a lot of 2014 challenging me about my “cravings and desires”.  Namely the one major one that has been with me since childhood: love—to be married someday.  I believe He asked me earlier in the year to give Him my heart, to surrender the dream—not abandon it but leave it in His care—bringing Matthew 6:33 to mind and the idea to seek Him above all.  Later in the year He more pointedly made me aware of my passive pursuit in desiring the love of a man in the hope to satisfy my heart.  I can still hear the echoes of His request: “Find your satisfaction in Me. I am enough.” 

Amongst the stressful ride of multiple sudden job changes, house moves and the in between unemployment, this has been my underlying challenge all year.  One I have notched up hours upon hours in conversation with God about.  I remind Him regularly that this is a tough thing He’s asking of me; usually followed with a verbalised expectation of help because there’s no way I can do this on my own.  Because of this I’ve been thinking a lot more about ‘singleness’ and have had some great and challenging conversations with friends.  I have a life to live and whether I am single or married, I want to learn to live well. 

Toward the end of the year I have found myself praying more often for help to be open to God and His Spirit and to walk and move with Him.  Now 2015 has rolled in and I have a whole new year ahead of me.  The first verse I read that really stands out to me is the one above.  It is my desire that this year be one I learn to walk and live habitually in the Holy Spirit, responsive to and controlled and guided by Him, that my cravings and desires be for God Himself, the only One who can truly satisfy my soul and the One most worthy of my affection and devotion.  I know this will be a constant challenge and it will be hard but I’m convinced it’s worth doing what God asks of me.

As 2015 continues to roll on, I pray that you too will know a greater wonder and satisfaction in God who loves us beyond our comprehension.