new year, continued challenge

God spent a lot of 2014 challenging me about my “cravings and desires”.  Namely the one major one that has been with me since childhood: love—to be married someday.  I believe He asked me earlier in the year to give Him my heart, to surrender the dream—not abandon it but leave it in His care—bringing Matthew 6:33 to mind and the idea to seek Him above all.  Later in the year He more pointedly made me aware of my passive pursuit in desiring the love of a man in the hope to satisfy my heart.  I can still hear the echoes of His request: “Find your satisfaction in Me. I am enough.” 

Amongst the stressful ride of multiple sudden job changes, house moves and the in between unemployment, this has been my underlying challenge all year.  One I have notched up hours upon hours in conversation with God about.  I remind Him regularly that this is a tough thing He’s asking of me; usually followed with a verbalised expectation of help because there’s no way I can do this on my own.  Because of this I’ve been thinking a lot more about ‘singleness’ and have had some great and challenging conversations with friends.  I have a life to live and whether I am single or married, I want to learn to live well. 

Toward the end of the year I have found myself praying more often for help to be open to God and His Spirit and to walk and move with Him.  Now 2015 has rolled in and I have a whole new year ahead of me.  The first verse I read that really stands out to me is the one above.  It is my desire that this year be one I learn to walk and live habitually in the Holy Spirit, responsive to and controlled and guided by Him, that my cravings and desires be for God Himself, the only One who can truly satisfy my soul and the One most worthy of my affection and devotion.  I know this will be a constant challenge and it will be hard but I’m convinced it’s worth doing what God asks of me.

As 2015 continues to roll on, I pray that you too will know a greater wonder and satisfaction in God who loves us beyond our comprehension.

glory in the storms

After initial shock and some bouts of tears this week, today I sit here and laugh. My word! What a  journey I'm on! Life is crazy but, gloriously, God is good. I shall continue to trust that truth.

Never would I have imagined being on such an adventure as this. Yet here I am--about to make my 6th move and end my 4th job in the space of 12 months. After my last job ended I had a another month of unemployment followed by a month of adjusting to my new job whilst a totally awesome friend of mine shared his home with me.  Last week I signed a lease to share a house in the lower north shore of Sydney.  Between then and starting work this week,  life has changed for this new work family and I was given notice on Monday morning. Needless to say my emotions have been fluctuating. I'm sure they still will in the coming days and weeks but for this moment I feel peace. I feel as though my spring is approaching after a long dark winter. Just maybe something new is about to begin. I just need to hang on to God, seek Him, trust and follow.  For all the intense craziness I feel about my life this week, I have worshiped God my Rock from a deeper place finding peace as I rest in Him.  The following lyrics come from a song that has significant meaning in this turbulence.

When Darkness seems to hide His face
I rest on His unchanging grace
In every high and stormy gale
My anchor holds within the veil

Christ alone; cornerstone
Weak made strong; in the Saviour's love
Through the storm, He is Lord
Lord of all

While this is a challenging time, I wait curiously to see where He leads and what glorious unfolding takes place in my life. I rest contentedly--though at times with difficulty--that my God is ever with me.

the twisted path

God works in mysterious ways.  So mysterious not even I know how He's working in my life.  Mostly He doesn't fill me in on His plans.

It was over much deliberation and conversation with Him and my wonderful sister in law who I was staying with at the time that I came to be where I am today--working as a nanny in northern Sydney.  I've moved around so much since I moved out of my childhood home a good decade ago.  Mostly due to my 'off-adventuring' status.  Even in between my USA year and my UK double though, the longest I've stayed in one place is two years and that was with a tidal ebb and flow of work.  The past twelve months alone has involved five moves and three different jobs with a few months of unemployment to spread it out.  I'm ever thankful for my older brother and his family letting me overtake their spare room for weeks on end when my jobs have fallen through.  Such generosity!  Although this current job always was a short term position I find myself challenged again with another twist in my path having my contract shortened to now end with August.  In fact this whole idea of a twisted path runs across practically all areas of my life over the last several years.  I round one bend, climbing over tree roots and tripping on rocks, only to see a metre or two ahead to the next bend.  Sometimes it's hard to clarify if I'm actually making any progress.

In these unknown and unsure times, I often hear people read or quote Proverbs 3:5-6:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways submit to Him and He will make your paths straight.

It irks me.  I don't like the wording of the latest New International Version.  In my opinion, from my point of view, life is just not like that.  It's anything but straight.  Even with God.  In fact, I don't WANT it to be straight. I've found comfort, hope and strength in reading Psalm 23 this year.  The Lord is my Shepherd, I have everything I need...  Partly coz the last several years have felt like walking through the Valley of the Shadow of Death.  And with my imagination it's easy to picture journeying through a valley that is so overrun with vegetation that it's darkened and difficult and you can only hope that this twisted path is winding it's way out the other end.  It's bloody tough.  And that's an understatement!  But it's an adventure!!

A friend read out Psalm 23 for me a few months back and where she said, "He guides me along the right paths for His name's sake" I initially thought she said "wide paths".  It got me thinking though.  Wide paths?  I don't want to take the motorway with it's multiple lanes, whizzing along traffic and boring scenery.  I like the back roads twisting through the less visited places and interesting scenery.  That's where the adventure is.  And for me, life is about the journey; not the destination.

So I'm sticking with the way I originally learnt the Proverbs passage way back in the day; like the New King James Version words it:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths.

I want to stick close to God.  I want Him to lead and direct me.  A little more clearly or directly would be nice since it's difficult to trust without knowing where you're going.  I'm all for getting out of this valley, even with the appreciation of how I've grown from it, but I'm content with taking the twisted path.

as I am

That God would create me, in all my uniqueness, and then expect me to fit some Christian mould is absolutely absurd!

Why would He intricately design and create me and then want me to relate to Him contrary to that design? That would be like saying His design wasn't good. Have you read the creation story in Genesis? It's peppered with God creating, pausing to observe His work and declaring,  "It is good".

Granted I am part of a broken world where imperfection prevails but it is still true that my design is good. So to celebrate and embrace who I am is to glory in God and His work. He delights in me being who He designed me to be, including how I share in my relationship with Him. He wants me to interact with Him in a way that is real and honest and true to me.

And it's the same for you. 

the coming of a new age

That day of the year has come again.
That day that marks another completed lap of the sun.
I've been so far blessed to make thirty four of them and I'm off on my thirty fifth.
It's strange to pause and look at my life.  What I have is far from all my imaginings.  I actually have to remind myself that that's not a bad thing.  Birthdays are a great opportunity to reflect on the blessing of life. For all my imaginings I have done multiple things I'd never dared dream of.  I have walked paths I never would have chosen if I'd had the option.  I've gone on numerous journeys of exploration and adventure and many of them solo.  I have discovered that I am strong and quirky and capable of much more than I give myself credit for.
I am ever learning; ever growing; ever shaping.
I am who I am today because of the journey my life has taken and how I've taken on my life.
Things often don't roll the way I would like but I find that God blesses me in unexpected ways. Personally, I think He does it on purpose.  I can almost hear Him chuckling.
My trek through life has been pretty darn challenging at times but I am most grateful for the way that God has watched over me and remained with me.  I'm incredibly thankful for His patience with me and His involvement in my life.  I will continue to dream, to journey, to grow and to trust in the God who masterfully oversees it all--whatever unfolds.
As for this year's celebration day, it was filled with things that make me peacefully smile: just a little bit of work, celebratory food (pancakes and all the toppings for breakfast), relaxed home lingering, chatting and praying with a friend, listening to music while painting, flowers and thoughtful gifts and dressing up for a night of fun with friends.
And so here's to the coming of a new age and all the twists and turns and unexpected blessings it will hold.

sketch club satisfaction

When I last worked in Sydney, I came across a Sketch Club online that sounded like fun so I joined the group.  Unfortunately my job ended sooner than planned and I moved out of the city.  March this year brought me back again and I immediately rejoined.  I've been to three gatherings so far now and I'm looking forward to more.  Today we went to the Botanical Gardens and it was the perfect day for it.  For only just over a week til winter officially clocks in it was delightfully sunny and warm.  A cosy 25°C and being surrounded by an amazing variety of nature with sketchbook and supplies in hand it was a calmly blissful day.  I arrived late but I stayed late too.  I found and wandered around the Botanica exhibition where we were due to meet and then went wandering, sketching and chatting with other sketchers I came across.  After sketching happily for a couple of hours we always get together for a bit of 'show and tell'.  We lay out our sketches from the day and have a look at what everyone did.  Some of the talent is simply amazing.  I love looking at all the different styles and what people chose to sketch and get ideas and inspiration.  Then we usually have some lunch together.  Today most of us sat on a grassy patch and picnicked.  People leave as they wish, or go sketch some more or sit around talking.  I chatted with some ladies for quite a while until they left and then sketched a little longer before making for home myself.  It makes a great little outing and the organiser has so many interesting ideas for locations and experiences.  I'm so glad I found this group to go sketching with.  Fun and practice and learning.

My own talent is increasing and broadening as I practice and explore.  These are my sketches from today.

shoes for college

While I was staying with family in the Southern Highlands of NSW, we went to the local show (or fair).  There were a number of stalls which I stopped to look at that had fair trade and post-slavery made products.  There's quite a range out there these days.  What I did buy were these fantastic sandals.  So inventive but with a great story behind it.  As the slogan says, "Every sandal has a story."

"Sseko (SAY-ko) Designs is an ethical fashion brand that hires high potential women in Uganda to make sandals to enable them to earn money through dignified employment that will go directly towards their college educations and ensure they will continue pursuing their dreams...We believe that every woman has a dream. When she is given the opportunity to pursue those dreams, we are collectively walking towards a brighter and more just and beautiful world."

The people at the stall also passionately told me how often the Ugandan women finish high school and don't get the opportunity to go to college.  The women Sseko employ for a short period provide not only income to save for college but also bring in people to speak to the women to inspire them and help guide them in their choices for further education.  I love the support these shoes provide...and not just to me!

Sseko sandals are bought in two parts: the sole and the ribbon.  The sole is well made and has elastic loops to thread the ribbons through to tie the sole to your foot.  This, along with the huge choice of ribbons, allows for a whole assortment of styles from the one pair of sandals.  Ingenious!  So far mine are fairing very well and I'm very happy with the quality and the feel.  And since I'm living in Sydney, there's lots of opportunity to wear them--even in the middle of Autumn.  Below are some of the styles I've tried.  The Sseko ones you can learn how to tie from their site but the other ones are my own twist.  I bought the red ribbon at the local show stall along with the soles and the floral ones I made from fabric I had and the black ones are just a length of lace ribbon I bought.  The ribbons I made I added extra length for easier wrapping of my chunky feet.  I want to buy another Sseko ribbon with a pattern though. 

Sseko also have other items for sale and you can also find out lots more from the Sseko Designs website.  If you want to buy some in Australia you can try this website.

Quality in product and ethics.  Bonus.